Boston University

09/04/2024 | News release | Distributed by Public on 09/05/2024 02:11

A College Student’s Guide to Safer Sex: Tips from an Intimacy Coordinator

A College Student's Guide to Safer Sex: Tips from an Intimacy Coordinator

Health

A College Student's Guide to Safer Sex: Tips from an Intimacy Coordinator

Learn about boundaries, consent, and pleasure with the C.R.I.S.P method.

September 4, 2024
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Sexual health is not just about testing and contraception, although there are plenty of resources available on campus to help with that. It's also about creating a healthy relationship with your boundaries and with pleasure. Yes, sex should be safe, but it should also be meaningful, whether it's to connect with a partner, with an identity, or with yourself.

As an intimacy coordinator and someone who spent this summer connecting with students about consent culture at Orientation, sexual health is really important to me. Talking to incoming students this summer brought to mind my freshman self, hailing from little to no high-school sex education (all we had was an abstinence pact… that only girls had to sign). While I handed out Condom Fairy flyers and consent stickers, I thought about the advice I would have given my first-year self.

Shakespeare said, "All the world's a stage." Cheesy as it is, his adage rings true in how intimacy works for student films, which has taught me about intimacy off-camera. As an intimacy coordinator, I work with actors and directors to plan, choreograph, and ethically execute intimate scenes.

When I'm on set, be it a high-five, fist bump, or elbow touch, I always have my actors tap in before intimacy work. 'Tapping in' is a kinesthetic practice at the start of every intimate scene. It's a way to say:

"Hey! I'm here, present in my body! I see you. Do you see me too? "

I use the consent acronym C.R.I.S.P on set to help actors be curious about their boundaries. Applying C.R.I.S.P to real-life sex, I encourage you to do the same:

Considered

Having consideration is not just about asking yourself, 'Do I want this?' It's about preparing in advance so that sex can be a source of pleasure, not distress. With BU Student Health Service's access to free and low-cost contraception and birth control options, you can ensure not only that your consent is considered, but that you consider your consent.

Revokable

I always tell my actors, that "No" is simply information. You have the right to change your mind at any point during intimacy! You always have a choice. Your sexual partner(s) should be able to graciously receive that information freely.

Informed

Informed consent isn't just a form for BU's social science labs. Staying informed about your sexual health is an act of consideration for your partner(s) and yourself. The chief way to stay informed is to get tested; SHS makes it easy. Remember! Plenty of STIs can be asymptomatic. Go with your partner(s) or friends (post-brunch activity?).

Specific

Consent is situation-specific. My actors' agreement to one point of contact does not mean an agreement to the next. The same rings true for sex. Past consent does not mean present consent; present consent should be enthusiastic! College is for exploration in more than one sense. Find out what you don't like. Find out what you do! (And feel empowered asking for it).

Participatory

Without my actor's participation, there can be no intimacy. Although this one seems self-explanatory, our generation tends to forget it the most. In reality, sex does not have to be romantic, but it shouldn't be dissociative. Yes, consent involves checking in with your partner, but it also involves checking in with yourself. Be present in experiencing your sexuality. You can only learn if you participate.

Today and every day, while I urge you to tap into BU's safer sex resources, I also encourage you to tap into your built-in resource: your body. Invest time into yourself; learn about your boundaries. Forego judgment and be curious about what you like. You can find that curiosity using C.R.I.S.P or any method of reflection you prefer best. Whatever it takes to tap in and say:

"Hey! I'm here, present in my body! I see you. Do you see me too? "

If you have experienced sexual assault, sexual harassment, dating violence, or other trauma or violence, you can contact SHS' Sexual Assault Response & Prevention Center (SARP) for support. No problem is too small to get help. Talk to a crisis counselor (available 24/7) by calling 617-353-SARP (7277) or use Patient Connect to book a non-urgent appointment.

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A College Student's Guide to Safer Sex: Tips from an Intimacy Coordinator

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  • Ju Derraik (CAS'26)

    Ju Derraik (CAS'26) is an Intimacy Coordinator with Student Health Services. Profile

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