How to Help Calm a Child Living with Autism

Nov 11, 2024

Parenting is a journey filled with joy, challenges, and countless learning experiences.

For parents of children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), this journey often comes with unique hurdles - but also remarkable moments of connection and growth.

If you're reading this, chances are you've experienced the intense emotions that can arise when your child with autism becomes overwhelmed.

These moments can leave both you and your child feeling drained and frustrated.

But here's the good news: You're not alone, and there are effective strategies to help your child find calm in the storm of overwhelming emotions.

Understanding Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

Autism spectrum disorder is a complex developmental condition that affects how a person perceives the world, interacts with others, and processes information. According to the CDC, around 1 in 36 children lives with ASD.

It's important to remember that autism is a spectrum and looks different for everyone. Dispelling common myths about autism is crucial for promoting understanding and acceptance.

Why Children with Autism Benefit from Calming Strategies

Meltdowns can be one of the most challenging aspects of autism for both children and their caregivers.

Unlike tantrums, meltdowns aren't about getting attention or a desired object - they're a response to feeling overwhelmed by sensory input, emotions, or situations.

Learning to recognize the signs of an oncoming meltdown and having strategies to help your child calm down can make a world of difference in your daily life.

Common Triggers for Meltdowns

Every child with autism is unique, but there are some common triggers that can lead to meltdowns. Understanding these can help you spot potential issues before they escalate.

• Sensory overload is a frequent culprit. Bright lights, loud noises, or certain textures can overwhelm your child's senses. Imagine wearing scratchy clothes while a fire alarm blares - that's how everyday sensations might feel to your child.
• Changes in routine can also spark meltdowns. If your child expects pizza for dinner but you serve spaghetti instead, it might seem like a small change to you, but it could feel earth-shattering to them.
• Communication frustrations are another trigger. When your child can't express their needs or feelings, it can lead to intense emotions. It's like being in a country where you don't speak the language.
• Fatigue and hungercan make anyone cranky, but for children with autism, these physical states can be particularly challenging to manage. Some children with autism may also experience food aversions, which can complicate mealtimes and nutrition.

Tantrums vs. Meltdowns: Understanding the Difference

While tantrums and meltdowns might look similar from the outside, they're quite different experiences for children living with ASD.

Tantrums are usually about getting or avoiding something and will often stop if the child is appeased. Your child might throw a tantrum because they want a cookie before dinner, and if you give in, the tantrum often stops.

Meltdowns, on the other hand, are a reaction to feeling overwhelmed. They aren't about achieving a goal: Even if you could magically give your child what they wanted, the meltdown wouldn't necessarily stop.

During a tantrum, a child is still somewhat in control and aware of their surroundings. But during a meltdown, your child is truly overwhelmed. They're not being "naughty" or trying to manipulate you. They're having a genuine crisis.

Understanding this difference is crucial. It helps you respond with patience and the right strategies, rather than feeling frustrated or tricked.

The Role of Calming Techniques for Children with Autism

First and foremost, these techniques help your child regain a sense of control and safety. When your child is in the middle of a meltdown, they're scared and overwhelmed. Calming techniques are like lifelines, helping them find their way back to calm waters.

These strategies also teach valuable life skills. By learning how to calm down, your child is developing emotional regulation. This skill will serve them well throughout their life.

In addition, consistent use of calming techniques can actually help prevent meltdowns over time. Remember, finding the right calming techniques for your child might take some trial and error. What works for one child might not work for another.

Immediate Strategies for Calming a Child with Autism

When your child is on the brink of a meltdown, having effective strategies like the following at the ready can make all the difference.

Creating a Safe and Quiet Space

A personal calm-down zone can be a game-changer for your child.

Choose a quiet corner of your home, away from high-traffic areas, and transform it into a soothing retreat. Use soft lighting or even string lights to create a calming atmosphere.

Include comfortable seating like a bean bag chair or a pile of pillows, and add sensory items such as soft blankets, stuffed animals, or sensory balls.

Consider using a small tent or canopy to create a cozy, enclosed feeling that many children find comforting. Include noise-canceling headphones to block out overwhelming sounds, and add books, coloring supplies, or other calming activities your child enjoys.

The key is to make this space uniquely comforting for your child.

Teach your child that this is their special place to go when feeling overwhelmed. Practice using it during calm times so they're comfortable retreating there when needed.

Over time, your child may learn to recognize when they need this space and use it independently.

Deep Pressure Techniques

Deep pressure can be incredibly calming for many children with autism.

These technique works to help the nervous system regulate itself.

Weighted Blankets

Weighted blankets can be used during sleep or quiet time. Some children like to wrap up entirely, while others prefer it just on their legs. The consistent pressure can help reduce anxiety and promote a sense of security.

Consider starting with short periods and gradually increasing the time using the blanket as your child becomes comfortable.

Pay attention to your child's reactions - while many find weighted blankets soothing, they're not for everyone.

Pressure Vests

Pressure vests are another tool that can provide consistent, calming input throughout the day.

These can be worn under clothing, making them a discreet option for use in various settings. When introducing a pressure vest, start with short periods and gradually increase wearing time as your child adjusts.

Some vests are adjustable, allowing you to customize the pressure to your child's comfort level. Consider using the vest during transitions or challenging activities that typically trigger anxiety or overstimulation.

As with all sensory tools, observe your child's response closely to ensure it's helping, not causing discomfort.

Hugs

Sometimes, the most effective tool is the simplest - a good, firm hug!

However, it's crucial to respect your child's preferences and boundaries. Always ask your child if they'd like a hug before initiating one. When giving a hug, apply firm, even pressure around their body. You might count to ten slowly, then release unless they indicate they want more.

Some children prefer hugs from the front, while others feel more comfortable with hugs from behind. Experiment to see what works best for your child.

Remember, the goal is to provide comforting pressure, not to restrain. If your child seems uncomfortable at any point, ease off immediately.

Sensory Tools and Toys

Having a variety of sensory tools can help your child regulate their emotions. These tools can engage different senses, providing either calming input or a much-needed distraction during times of stress.

Fidget Toys

Fidget toys can be a fantastic way for children to release nervous energy or focus their attention.

Offer a variety of textures and types, including squishy, spiky, smooth, or items that make a soft clicking sound. Popular options include spinners, tangles, stress balls, and putty. Let your child explore and choose their favorites - what works best can vary greatly from one child to another.

It's important to teach the appropriate use of these tools in different settings. For instance, a noisy clicker might be fine at home but disruptive in a classroom. Help your child understand when and how to use their fidget toys effectively.

With practice, these tools can become valuable aids in managing anxiety and maintaining focus.

Noise-Canceling Headphones

For children sensitive to sound, noise-canceling headphones can be a true lifesaver.

These can be used in noisy environments or during situations your child finds overwhelming. Some children prefer to listen to calming music or white noise through their headphones, creating a soothing audio environment.

Practice putting the headphones on and taking them off with your child to build comfort and familiarity. Consider having a pair at home and one for on-the-go situations.

Remember, while headphones can be incredibly helpful, it's also important to gradually work on noise tolerance in a supportive way, perhaps with the help of an occupational therapist.

Sensory Bottles

Sensory bottles, sometimes called calm-down bottles, can be both a crafting activity and a calming tool.

These bottles, filled with water, glitter, and small objects, create a mesmerizing visual when shaken. The act of shaking the bottle and watching the contents swirl and settle can be very soothing for many children.

Making these bottles together can be a fun bonding activity. You can customize them with your child's favorite colors or themed objects.

Some parents find it helpful to use the time it takes for the glitter to settle as a visual timer for calming down. Remember to seal the bottles securely to prevent spills.

Long-Term Strategies to Prevent Meltdowns

While immediate calming techniques are crucial, developing long-term strategies can help reduce the frequency and intensity of meltdowns over time.

These approaches focus on building skills and creating an environment that supports your child's emotional regulation.

Establishing Routines and Consistency

Many children with autism thrive on predictability.

Creating and maintaining consistent routines can significantly reduce anxiety and the likelihood of meltdowns. Start by developing a visual schedule for daily activities. This could be a series of pictures or written steps, depending on your child's preferences and abilities.

Include all regular activities, from waking up and getting dressed to mealtimes, school, therapy sessions, and bedtime routines. Having this visual guide can help your child understand what to expect throughout the day, reducing uncertainty and the stress that often comes with it.

When changes to the routine are necessary, give your child plenty of warning and explanation. You might use a special symbol on the schedule to indicate a change, and talk through what will be different and why.

This approach helps your child build flexibility over time, an important skill for managing the unpredictability of daily life.

Building Emotional Regulation Skills

Emotional regulation is a challenge for many children with autism, but it's a skill that can be developed with practice and support.

Start by helping your child identify and understand their emotions. Use tools like emotion charts with facial expressions and colors representing different feelings. Practice identifying emotions in yourself, your child, and characters from books or shows.

Once your child can identify emotions, work on strategies for managing them. This might include deep breathing exercises, counting to ten, or using a feelings thermometer to gauge intensity.

Role-play different scenarios, and practice these techniques when your child is calm so they're familiar with them when big feelings arise.

Enhancing Communication Skills

Frustration often stems from difficulty in communicating needs or feelings. Work closely with your child's speech and language therapists to develop communication skills.

This might involve traditional speech therapy, sign language, or the use of augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) devices.

Encourage your child to communicate in whatever way works best for them. This might mean accepting gestures, sounds, or even behaviors as forms of communication while you work on developing more complex skills.

Developing social skills is also a crucial part of this process.

Using Social Stories

Like visual schedules, social stories are powerful tools for helping children with autism understand and prepare for various situations.

Social stories are short, simple descriptions of a particular situation, event, or activity. They include specific information about what to expect and why.

Carol Gray's social stories, for example, are widely recognized for helping those living with autism. These can be especially helpful for new or challenging situations, like going to the dentist or starting a new school year.

Tools to establish routine and consistency help reduce anxiety by increasing predictability and understanding. They can be created for any situation your child finds challenging. Parents and caregivers can regularly review them to reinforce understanding and prepare for events.

Creating a Sensory-Friendly Environment for Children with Autism

Your home environment plays a crucial role in your child's comfort and ability to stay calm. By making thoughtful adjustments, you can create a space that supports your child's sensory needs and helps prevent overstimulation.

Organizing a Sensory-Friendly Home

Start by observing your child's reactions to different areas of your home. Which spaces do they gravitate towards? Which do they avoid? Use these observations to guide your organization.

Consider creating designated spaces for different activities. A quiet reading nook, a movement area with crash pads or a mini trampoline, and a structured homework space can help your child understand what to expect in each area of the home.

Reduce visual clutter by using closed storage solutions and keeping walls relatively clear. Some children with autism find busy patterns or excessive visual stimuli overwhelming. Opt for calming colors and simple decor in main living areas.

Minimizing Overstimulation

Think about ways to reduce sensory input that might be overwhelming for your child. This might involve several strategies.

• Light sensitivity solutions: Install dimmer switches to control light intensity. Use light-filtering curtains or blinds to soften natural light. Consider offering sunglasses for outdoor activities or even indoors if your child is particularly sensitive to light.
• Sound management techniques: Soft furnishings like rugs, curtains, and upholstered furniture can help absorb sound and reduce echoes. A white noise machine can mask disruptive background noises.

For unavoidable loud sounds (like a blender or vacuum cleaner), give your child a warning and offer noise-canceling headphones.

You'll also want to be mindful of the textures in your child's environment. From clothing to bedding to furniture surfaces, what feels "normal" to you might be unbearable for your child. Offer a variety of texture options and respect your child's preferences, even if they seem unusual to you.

Structuring the Day with Visual Supports

Additional visual support throughout your home can help with daily structure.

Label drawers and shelves with pictures or words to help your child know where things belong. Use visual timers to make abstract concepts of time more concrete. Create visual choice boards for common decisions like snack options or weekend activities.

These visual supports can help your child understand expectations, make choices, and feel more in control of their environment. This sense of predictability and control can significantly reduce anxiety and the likelihood of meltdowns.

The Role of Parents and Caregivers

As a parent or caregiver, your approach and mindset play a crucial role in managing meltdowns and supporting your child. It's important to remember that while this journey can be challenging, your efforts make a tremendous difference in your child's life.

Maintaining a Calm Demeanor

When your child is having a meltdown, it's natural to feel stressed or overwhelmed. However, staying calm is one of the most powerful things you can do to help your child. Your calmness can help your child feel safe and begin to regulate their own emotions.

Practice deep breathing or other quick relaxation techniques to use in the moment. Remember that your child isn't giving you a hard time - they're having a hard time. This shift in perspective can help you respond with patience and empathy.

Providing Consistent and Predictable Responses

Consistency is key when it comes to managing meltdowns. Respond to similar situations in similar ways, so your child knows what to expect. This doesn't mean being rigid - it means being predictable in your approach.

Develop a meltdown action plan with steps you'll follow each time. This might include moving to a quiet space, using calming techniques, and then addressing any issues once your child is calm. Stick to this plan as much as possible, adjusting as needed based on the specific situation.

The Power of Positive Reinforcement

Celebrate the small victories. When your child uses a calming strategy successfully, offer plenty of praise and encouragement. This positive reinforcement can motivate your child to use these strategies more often.

Be specific in your praise. Instead of just saying "good job," say something along the lines of, "I'm really proud of how you took deep breaths when you started feeling frustrated. That was a great way to calm yourself down."

Educating Family Members and Friends

Help others understand your child's needs and how to support them. This creates a wider network of understanding and support for your child. Share information about autism, your child's specific challenges, and the strategies that work best.

Teach family and friends about the differences between meltdowns and tantrums, and guide them on how to respond supportively. The more people who understand and support your child, the more comfortable and confident your child will feel in various social situations.

Seeking Professional Help

While there's much you can do at home, professional support is often crucial in managing autism and preventing meltdowns.

Don't hesitate to reach out for help when you need it!

Consulting with Therapists and Specialists

Occupational therapists can provide valuable insights into sensory processing issues and strategies to address them. They can help create sensory diets - personalized activity plans that provide the sensory input your child needs throughout the day.

Speech therapists can work on communication skills, reducing frustration and meltdown triggers. They can also help with social skills and understanding social cues.

Behavioral specialists, such as Board Certified Behavior Analysts (BCBAs), can offer strategies for managing challenging behaviors and teaching new skills.

Exploring Behavioral Therapy Options

Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) is a common therapy for children with autism. It focuses on reinforcing desired behaviors and reducing challenging ones. ABA can be particularly helpful in teaching new skills and managing meltdowns.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can also be beneficial for older children or those with milder autism symptoms. It helps individuals understand the connections between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. CBT can provide strategies for managing anxiety and other emotions.

Medication Management, When Necessary

In some cases, medication might be recommended to help manage certain symptoms associated with autism. This may include anxiety, hyperactivity, or sleep issues. This decision should be made carefully in consultation with your child's doctor.

If medication is suggested, ask plenty of questions. Understand the potential benefits and side effects, and monitor your child closely if you decide to try medication. Remember, medication is usually most effective when combined with behavioral strategies and therapies.

Help Your Loved Ones Living with Autism Thrive

Every child living with autism deserves a chance to thrive, and social skills are a vital part of their lives.

Help the children in your life living with autism break through social barriers to boost connection and communication.

Using skill-building therapies and other support systems, see how Sevita's experts help children living with autism every step of the way.

Discover more about how you can support children living with autism today!

Behavioral Health