Owed Money? You’re Not Alone. Here’s How to Ask For It Back (Politely)

You and your friends just came back from a weekend away. And as you start looking at what you spent, you realize something - some of them haven't paid you back for booking the amazing beachfront apartment you found. What do you do?

Americans of all ages find themselves in similar situations, owed money by friends and family and unsure of how to proceed. In fact, according to a new poll commissioned by PayPal,¹ adults in the U.S. on average say they're owed $926 dollars - whether from dining, travel, big events like concerts and weddings, or other purchases.

One-third of survey respondents have experienced IOU challenges, including waiting months for money to be paid back or experiencing tension in a friendship or relationship from being owed money. "I think there's this taboo that's constantly in the back of our heads," Myka Meier, etiquette expert, founder of Beaumont Etiquette, said in an interview with NBC News Now. "People are afraid to ask - they don't want to be seen as pestering for money, they're afraid to put pressure on friends and family."

There's also a generational gap. Millennials and Gen Z worry about these concerns more than their Gen X and Boomer parents and grandparents. For example, 32% of Gen Z respondents said they hesitated to ask for money back because they didn't want their friends or family to feel stress or pressure, compared to just 15% of Boomers.

Myka's biggest piece of advice revolves around setting clear expectations around split costs ahead of time to avoid any confusion or misunderstandings that can lead to social friction.

"With shared expenses, there's always three things to consider: communication, transparency, and using the right tools, and with PayPal, we have all three."

Here are some tips for how to do so:

• Speak up before you buy: Before making a big purchase or expenditure on behalf of a group, make it clear how costs will be split and when you expect repayment. "Say it's wedding season. Say, 'We're chipping in for a gift, it's X amount of dollars and we're splitting it evenly. Is everybody OK with that?'" suggested Myka.
• Prepare to pay for your prosecco: Don't expect others to be happy to pick up your tab for drinks and dessert at a restaurant. The survey showed half of the respondents preferred to only pay for their portion of the bill if others ordered more food or drinks. Be transparent and avoid surprises at the end of the dinner.
• Skip the mental math: Use PayPal to save time and back-of-the-napkin math when it comes to paying the check. It's fast and simple to send and request money in the PayPal app and you can easily find contacts and enter the amount. "The etiquette is, if a person pays, then you don't want that person to have to chase you," said Myka. "If that's the case, on PayPal there's a Split the Bill feature where you don't have to be good at math, you just use the feature."

With these tips, you should be able to avoid racking up IOUs and stressing out about them afterward, focusing instead on making memories with loved ones.

¹ YouGov, Commissioned by PayPal. PayPal fielded an omnibus online survey in partnership with independent research firm, YouGov. The survey was fielded from June 25-27, 2024, among a representative sample of 2,475 U.S. adults (aged 18+) with a margin of error of +1.97% at the 95% level of confidence. The figures have been weighted and are representative of all U.S. adults (aged 18+).