'War makes everyone vulnerable, and big traumas like that take a very long time to heal'

MENTAL HEALTH DAY - 10 October 2024

'War makes everyone vulnerable, and big traumas like that take a very long time to heal'

For nine-year-old Artem, the office of psychologist Lyudmila is, quote, 'like home' because 'you can have tea here' and 'Lyudmila can find solutions for everything'.

At the start of the full-scale war, Artem, his parents and two older siblings, urgently evacuated from their home in Brovary district. When they returned in May 2022, their home was no more.

All gone

'Our home was destroyed on 23 March 2022,' Iulia, Artem's mom says. 'The neighbours told us.'

Iulia pauses briefly. 'It was painful for the children. All they had, all their belongings, toys, cosy nooks were wiped out. My husband was also crushed. He was proud that much of our home was his handiwork. The only things we were left with were our identification papers.'

Officially designated as internally displaced, the family rented a house in their native village. 'I think for two weeks we didn't have any reaction. We were all simply frozen,' Iulia remembers. 'One day, my daughter, who was 13 then, said: 'Let's start removing the bricks.' We all nodded, still frozen, to this signal to start doing something, to begin healing.'

What is war?

The work was slow, and it's still going on with occasional help of various reconstruction programmes. Meanwhile, Artem and his siblings distracted themselves by planting cabbages and flowers around the tank; and painting the tank's removable parts in blue and yellow. A neighbour posted the children's project on social media, and it quickly became a media sensation.

'Many journalists came,' Iulia explains. 'One wanted to interview Artem for a documentary. When the journalist asked him 'What is war?', Artem burst in tears. That was my sign. I knew in that very moment that we cannot cope with the trauma on our own'.

Through neighbours, Iulia found out about the family strengthening programme of SOS Children's Villages Ukraine. There she met with social worker Alina, filled the necessary paperwork, and soon the family began receiving help.

Finding a way

Artem and his sister began going to different children's group activities, like art therapy, financial literacy through games, tutoring for school, etc. 'My eldest says he doesn't need help for now, but we leave the door open,' Iulia says. She herself has joined the parental groups for self-help and psychological counselling. Her husband, busy with work and rebuilding their home, is also yet to find time to benefit from the programme.

'Everything we get from SOS Children's Villages is useful,' the mother says. 'From the medicaments for seasonal flu for the children, to the tutoring and counselling, and especially the psychological support'. She explains that the tutoring helped Artem and his sister to close some educational gaps caused by the pandemic and the first year of the full-scale war.

Iulia credits the psychological support for helping Artem smile again. 'The full-scale war really hurt his emotional well-being. He withdrew into himself. Also, he was a bit stigmatized by his schoolmates for losing everything. 'This was painful for him,' she pauses. 'But Lyudmila found a way!'

For every child

Lyudmila is a psychologist and child therapist who's been with the Brovary programme of SOS Children's Villages Ukraine since December 2023. For Artem and many other children in the programme, Lyudmila is the person of trust who can find solutions for everything. She explains: 'I love my job, and I love children. Every child is important to me'.

While Lyudmila approaches each child individually, she says that the age plays a significant role in helping children overcome trauma. 'When the family must move, it's somewhat easier for the smaller children. For them, home is where the parents are. It's more complicated for pre-teens and teens. They've not only lost a home. They've lost their social surrounding. They've lost important things that shape their personality. Reclaiming these parts of their lives is a very common ask from these age groups'.

In a safe space

Creating an atmosphere of safety that closely resembles a home is step one in Lyudmila's approach. 'It begins with the safe space,' Lyudmila says. 'Once children feel safe and comfortable, I use different methods to try to find out what support they need and how to help them. I try to find out what happens at home, and how are the bonds between the parents and the children'.

Lyudmila's calm and serene demeanour truly make any room a safe space. When Artem and other children can't pinpoint why they feel safe and comfortable there, they usually say because they can have tea, just like at home. And for Lyudmila, home is an important designation.

'I do a lot of the therapeutic work here in the office, but even more must be done at home,' she says. 'I update parents on the progress; and give them advice what to do and how to act at home. A lot can be achieved at home because it's a flexible environment where the children are most relaxed'.

Time to heal

In the context of war, Lyudmila says that we must not forget that the parents are also traumatized and need to cope with loss. 'War makes everyone vulnerable,' she says, 'and big traumas like that take a very, very long time to heal'.

Lyudmila gives the example of her grandmother who as a child survived the Holodomor (the Ukrainian Famine of 1932-1933): 'All her life she stocked on food. She needed to have food always and in quantities. The Holodomor was a major trauma for her. She kept telling us that we must eat, eat, eat, always eat'.

Going forward

Asked what the consequences of the war trauma be like for the children, Lyudmila explains: "It's hard to speak about consequences now because the basic need for security is not satisfied. This need significantly influences children and how they develop.

'Once victory and peace are achieved, an important thing that would be needed for overcoming the trauma is having a healthy and adaptive society. The community needs to give possibility and help displaced people to adapt. The bullying because of the different experiences should stop. The society needs to develop. There's still room for improvement in this area'.

Lyudmila stresses the need for more and continuous information sharing about the importance of mental health and availability of helpful resources. 'Today, we have so many opportunities to find professionals and resources for mental health and psychological support. Both online and offline, like in our parental groups, adults can find tools and methods for practicing self-help and self-regulation. With some guidance, they too can help their children at home'.

Getting better

Back to Artem: his mom says that the major shift happened when he began getting individual psychological counselling from Lyudmila. 'She found a way to explain the difficult topics,' Iulia says. 'Before, when I'd speak with him, we'd both just cry. After each session with Lyudmila, his behaviour would slightly improve, his emotional state would become a bit better. In less than a year, his disdain for going to school went away. He began liking school again'.

Nowadays, Artem openly speaks about what bothers him with both his mom and Lyudmila. He's straightforward when it comes to whom he needs to talk with: 'He'd tell me 'Mom, I need Lyudmila now.' Then I book him an offline or online session. He likes to tell me how it went and it's usually the same sentence: 'Lyudmila helped me a lot today'.