Ways Funeral Directors Can Support Families...

Ways Funeral Directors Can Support Families Grieving Suicide Loss

Funeral directors, more than anyone, see firsthand the devastating emotional and physical effects families experience when faced with the unexpected loss of a loved one. And when their loved one dies by suicide, their grief becomes even more complex. On top of deep sorrow, families impacted by suicide loss often struggle with a multitude of complicated emotions - shock, guilt, anger, shame and confusion.

As a funeral professional, the role you have in supporting families impacted by suicide is incredibly important in helping them feel seen and supported on their grief journey. In recognition of National Suicide Prevention Month, an annual observance in September, here are ways you can offer the most meaningful support and aftercare for families experiencing suicide loss.

understand that suicide loss is sensitive

For many, talking about death and dying can be uncomfortable and often avoided. When it comes to the death by suicide, it may feel even harder to process. Some families might experience a perceived stigma from their communities or worry about being treated differently during such a difficult time.

Be mindful of the words you use, avoiding phrases or questions that could unintentionally intensify feelings of shame or perceived judgments about the deceased or their actions. There are plenty of "say this, not that" resources to help guide conversations about suicide, particularly the manner of death and how we talk about it. For example, rather than saying someone "committed suicide", you would say "died by suicide". The Suicide Prevention Alliance is a great place to find more information.

Your role is to offer sympathetic, nonjudgmental support. When you're unsure what to say, remember that even your quiet, comforting presence can make all the difference. By being a compassionate listener and understanding the complexity of their grief, you'll help families feel safe sharing their feelings and concerns with you.

respect the family's wishes regarding transparency

I think we've all played the 'telephone game' where a phrase is whispered from one person to the next, and by the time it gets to the last person, the original phrase has slowly morphed into something entirely different! Rumors can spread quickly and often become far from the truth. That's why it's so important to understand exactly how the family wants to communicate the manner of death - if they choose to share it at all. Some families may be open about the manner in the obituary, service or eulogy, while others may prefer to keep those details private. Respecting their wishes is what matters most.

There is no right or wrong answer for what families decide, but it's your role to ensure they are comfortable and confident in their decision. If needed, you may also help guide them on how to communicate the loss to others. Offer gentle guidance on wording for obituaries, death notices or any other public communications. Your priority should always be respecting the family's wishes and comfort level in how they choose to share their loss.

I live in a small, tight-knit community and have school-aged children. When my husband, Justin, died by suicide, I knew that people would find out within hours…and they did. I chose to be transparent about his manner of death, which wasn't a decision I made lightly. I wanted to be honest with my children and give them the space to talk about it when they were ready. I knew that normalizing conversations around suicide helps break down the stigma, and it was important for me to be part of that change.

The funeral professionals helped guide me through this decision and what that would look like, in terms of how we spoke to the children about his death and whether we referenced his manner of death during his service. To this day, I cannot express in words the gratitude I have for how they gently and thoughtfully 'held my hand', so to speak, on making those difficult decisions.

personalize their service

As a funeral professional, you already help guide families through options that allow them to honor their loved one in a way that feels respectful and meaningful to them. Suicide loss can often leave families feeling unsure about how to memorialize their loved one. Some families may prefer to focus on celebrating their loved one's life, highlighting positive memories, achievements and personal interests. Others may want to acknowledge their struggles with mental health as part of the service, helping to raise awareness and support for suicide prevention. Whichever option they decide, make sure you're offering compassionate support and services to recognize and celebrate the life their loved one lived.

Personalizing a loved one's service with photos, videos, favorite music, or even incorporating their hobbies can help families focus on celebrating their loved one's entire life journey, and not the circumstances of their death.

For us, that personalization meant ensuring that my husband's life was honored in a way that he would have wanted. Justin was known for being an incredible golfer, so we had his celebration of life at a local golf course he frequently played growing up. We also chose music from his favorite artists and held his service in the late afternoon, inviting everyone to stay for appetizers afterward because going to happy hour was something we enjoyed often.

One of the most meaningful things ever said to me came from a dear friend, who happened to be the widow of one of my husband's best friends, who had died a few years earlier.

At my husband's service, we found ourselves crying and laughing together, joking that Justin, my husband, and her late husband were probably up to all kinds of shenanigans together now. And, as she shared her condolences with me, she leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Always remember the impact he had on those around him and the amazing life he lived, not the way it ended."

That single statement was such a gift to me ­- it was exactly what I had needed to hear in that exact moment. I think about it almost every day. Her kindness genuinely helped me reframe how I feel about suicide, helping me reflect on Justin's life and his death in the most positive way possible.

Provide Suicide Loss Resources & Support

Offer information about grief support services and resources specifically for families dealing with suicide loss. Provide both local and national resources, if available. Sometimes finding the right resources can be crucial.

Community Support Resources

• Local Hospice Organizations: Many hospice organizations offer grief support services and can be a resource for families.
• Community Centers and Religious Organizations: These can offer local support groups and counseling services tailored to the needs of those grieving a suicide loss. Consider hosting or sponsoring your own support group for families grieving the loss of a loved one who died by suicide.
• Professional Counseling Services: Provide a list of local counselors and therapists specializing in grief and suicide loss, should families ask or mention it.
  
  

Online Resources

• Suicide Prevention Lifeline (988): Available 24/7, 365 days a year, this resource offers the ability for people in need to call, chat or text with a counselor for help during difficult moments in life. They also provide resources and training opportunities for understanding the impact of suicide and how to support families affected by suicide.

• The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: AFSP is one of the leading organizations dedicated to suicide prevention and offers a wealth of resources for survivors of suicide loss, including support groups, educational materials and events.

• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): This organization offers materials and workshops focused on mental health and suicide prevention, which can enhance your understanding and empathy toward suicide loss and grief.

• For Grief: For Grief is an organization dedicated to offering direct access to leading grief experts for those who need it, plus a library of videos, a grief events calendar and other resources that provide support for families grieving all types of loss.

• Alliance of Hope: The Alliance of Hope is an organization specifically focused on supporting survivors of suicide loss. It offers a wide range of resources, including a peer-to-peer online forum and helpful guides.
• Funeral Service Foundation: The Funeral Service Foundation offers free resources to help funeral directors build strong, trusted relationships and help families understand that they are not alone in their grief.
  
  

Follow UP with the family

After the funeral, check in with the family to see if they need further support or resources. Grief doesn't end with the funeral. In fact, the days, weeks and months following the service can be the most difficult for those grieving.

As I watched other people's lives carry on like normal, I found it hard to jump back into my own routine. Grieving and adjusting to life without my husband made everything feel different, and it wasn't easy to just pick up where I left off. Support from friends and family is typically abundant in the days and weeks following a loss. However, as time goes on, offers for help and random check-ins slowly become fewer and far between. It can feel incredibly isolating for those grieving the death of their loved one. Your funeral home can provide extended support for families well after the time of loss by ensuring you have an efficient aftercare program.

Offering compassionate aftercare services can make a meaningful difference. Regular check-ins with the family - whether through something as simple as a thoughtful text message or an invitation to a grief support event - can let them know they are not forgotten. Not only will it have a positive impact on the families you serve, but it can also benefit your business. Are you ready to get started? Click here to learn more about integrating Elevia, an award-winning aftercare program, into your business.

Supporting families grieving a suicide loss requires a combination of sympathy, knowledge and resources. By offering compassion and understanding to families affected by suicide, funeral directors can play a vital role in helping them through their grief and moving forward. Your care can make a powerful difference in their journey toward finding peace and comfort.

We can all help prevent suicide. If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a crisis, call, text or chat online with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 989.