Thanksgiving for Foster Families: 12 Tips for an Inclusive Holiday

Nov 21, 2024

As the leaves turn and Thanksgiving approaches, many families are bustling with holiday preparations.

For foster families and children in care, this season can bring a unique mix of emotions.

Whether this is your first Thanksgiving together or you're building on experiences from previous years, holiday celebrations can stir feelings of both joy and complexity for foster families.But within these challenges lies an opportunity - a chance to create new memories, honor cultural differences, and build meaningful connections together.

As foster parents, you have the ability to help shape this holiday season into something that feels safe, inclusive, and special for the children in your care.

Understanding Holiday Emotions

For many of us, the smell of roasting turkey or baking pumpkin pie brings back warm memories.

Others might feel anxious about what to expect or unfamiliar traditions.

These mixed emotions are natural and show up in different ways. You might notice:

• Extra quietness or wanting to be alone
• More energy than usual or difficulty settling down
• Questions about their birth family or past holidays
• Uncertainty about joining in family activities
• Changes in sleeping or eating patterns
• Stronger reactions to small changes in routine

Children might also wonder about their birth family during this time. Questions like "What is my mom cooking today?" or "Does my family miss me?" are common and show they're processing complex emotions.

These thoughts don't mean they're unhappy in your home - they're simply working through natural feelings about both families.

A child might seem angry about something small, like where to sit at the table, when they're actually feeling nervous about new traditions.

Another might suddenly want to help with every single preparation task as a way to feel secure and included.

Understanding these reactions helps you respond with patience and care.

The Importance of Including Children in Planning

When children help plan holiday celebrations, something remarkable happens - they start to feel like they truly belong!

Elizabeth Murrell, a Maryland foster parent, says it best in her letter to her child in foster care:

"Our home is a place where you can be yourself, where your thoughts and feelings will be valued, and where you will be treated with kindness and respect."

Being involved in decisions, even small ones, gives children a sense of control during a time that might otherwise feel uncertain. It sends a powerful message: "Your voice matters here. You're an important part of this family."

Why Getting Children Involved Makes a Difference

Think about it - wouldn't you feel more comfortable at a party you helped plan?

The same is true for children in foster care. When they have a say in Thanksgiving preparations, they're more likely to feel connected to the celebration. Plus, planning together creates natural opportunities to talk, share stories, and learn about each other.

17 Ways to Include Children Based on Their Age and Interest

You know your child better than anyone else, and not all children are at the same place mentally regardless of their age.

However, here's a quick guideline for how you can include your children in the Thanksgiving planning process.

Young Children (Ages 4-8):

• Ask them to pick between dessert options
• Let them choose tablecloth colors or napkin designs
• Have them make name cards or other decorations for the table
• Include them in simple cooking tasks like mixing ingredients or washing vegetables

Older Children (Ages 9-13):

• Invite them to suggest one or two favorite dishes
• Give them responsibility for specific decorations
• Let them arrange the table setting
• Allow them to help with actual cooking under supervision

Teens:

• Ask for their input on the full menu
• Let them take charge of a side dish
• Give them creative control over decorating spaces
• Include them in grocery shopping and meal planning

Fun Ways to Plan Together:

• Look through recipe books or cooking websites as a team
• Create a shared Pinterest board for decoration ideas
• Go shopping together for supplies
• Make lists and check them off together
• Take "before" pictures of spaces you'll decorate

Some children might feel overwhelmed by too many choices or responsibilities. Start small - begin by suggesting one or two areas they can help. The goal isn't to pressure them into participating but to offer opportunities so they feel valued and included.

Watch for signs that your child is enjoying their involvement, and adjust accordingly. If they light up while helping in the kitchen, maybe they'd like to take on more cooking tasks.

If they seem stressed about making decisions, try offering simpler choices or letting them observe until they feel ready to join in.

Building New Traditions Together

Creating new traditions might feel like a big task, but it doesn't have to be.

The best traditions often start as simple, heartfelt activities that everyone enjoys enough to repeat. The key is to start small and let meaningful traditions grow naturally.

Gratitude Chains

One beautiful way to begin is with a gratitude chain - instead of putting everyone on the spot at dinner, start a paper chain a week before Thanksgiving.

Each day, family members write something they're thankful for on a strip of paper and add it to the chain. On Thanksgiving, you can read them together or use the chain as a decoration. It's a low-pressure way to share feelings and create something beautiful together.

Memory Making in the Kitchen

The kitchen often becomes the heart of Thanksgiving traditions.

Try choosing one special recipe to make together. It could be as simple as decorating cookies or as involved as making grandma's famous stuffing.

The magic isn't in what you cook - it's in doing it together. Take pictures of your cooking adventures and save the recipes in a special folder to use again next year.

These moments of measuring, mixing, and maybe even making mistakes together often become cherished memories.

Activities That Bring People Together

Starting Thanksgiving morning with fun activities can help everyone relax and connect. Consider taking a family walk to collect colorful leaves, organizing a card game tournament, or making paper turkeys together.

Fun board games, for example, can spark laughter and conversation. These simple activities often do more than entertain - they help create an atmosphere where everyone can feel comfortable and included.

Create a Thanksgiving Craft

A homemade craft project can help children feel connected to the celebration while expressing creativity.

For example, why not create some watercolor hand turkeys with your little ones?

Have each person trace their hand on paper, then add an eye and beak to turn the thumb into the turkey's head. Paint with watercolors in autumn shades to create personalized place cards for the table.

Get Active Outside

Fresh air and movement can help manage holiday energy and emotions. A morning walk or backyard game before the cooking begins gives everyone a chance to move and connect.

Try a family soccer match, leaf-collecting contest, or scavenger hunt - these activities create natural opportunities for conversation while helping children regulate their emotions through physical activity.

Balancing Old and New Traditions

Remember, you don't have to choose between old and new traditions - you can blend them together thoughtfully!

Ask children about traditions they've enjoyed in the past and share stories about your family's traditional celebrations. Start small by picking one or two special activities, and stay open to changing things that don't quite fit. Most importantly, keep things flexible.

Some years, a tradition might not work out as planned - and that's okay. What matters most is that everyone feels comfortable and included. After all, the best traditions are the ones that bring smiles to faces and make everyone feel like they belong.

Supporting Children Through the Day

Even with careful planning, Thanksgiving Day can feel overwhelming for children in foster care. Creating a calm, predictable experience helps everyone enjoy the celebration more fully.

One of the most helpful things you can do is start by sharing a simple game plan with your children. Let them know what to expect - when activities will happen, who might be coming over, and what the main events will be.

Think of it like creating a gentle roadmap - not strict rules, but helpful guidelines that make the day feel more manageable.

Creating Quiet Spaces

Having a quiet space ready can make a big difference in helping children regulate their emotions throughout the day.

Consider setting up a peaceful spot with pillows and books, or a quiet room away from the main activity. You might add their favorite game or craft supplies, or perhaps headphones with calming music.

The key is letting children know it's perfectly okay to use these spaces whenever they need to recharge - no questions asked.

Handling Big Feelings

Strong emotions might pop up during the day, and that's completely natural. The best support often comes from staying calm yourself.

Instead of trying to fix every feeling, focus on offering simple choices like, "Would you like to help in the kitchen or take a break?" Sometimes a child might need extra hugs; other times, they might need space. Following their lead helps them feel understood and supported.

Making Space for Past Memories

Many children think about their birth families during the holidays, and it's important to make space for these memories and feelings.

Some might want to talk about past Thanksgivings, while others might prefer not to mention them at all. Both responses are okay. If a child shares stories, listen openly.

Writing down memories they share can also be a meaningful way to preserve their history while building new connections.

Remember: You've Got This!

The day doesn't need to be perfect. Small moments of connection matter more than picture-perfect celebrations.

Stay flexible and keep expectations realistic. If things start feeling overwhelming, it's perfectly fine to take a family break outside, switch to a simpler activity, or even order takeout if cooking becomes too stressful.

The goal isn't to create a magazine-worthy holiday - it's to help each child feel safe, valued, and connected.

Read Inspiring Stories From Other Foster Parents

Whether it's for Thanksgiving inspiration or simply to have a feel good read at your fingertips, it's hard to beat reading stories from other people who understand.

Hear stories from foster parents who have built meaningful connections with Letters Written with Love, a collection of letters from foster parents to the children in their care.

Access your free copy now, and experience the love, hope, and joy of foster parents this holiday season!

Foster Care