School avoidance: What to do when kids refuse to go to school - Children's National

Is your child refusing to go to school? This behavior, known as "school avoidance," occurs when a child fears being in school. Missing school can lead to lost instruction time and missed socialization opportunities. Regular attendance is crucial for long-term success, including graduation and future employment. Parents who quickly identify and address school avoidance are more successful in preventing ongoing attendance issues.

Understanding the causes of school avoidance

Various social, emotional and psychological factors can cause school avoidance.

• Bullying: Children who experience bullying or other peer conflicts may develop school avoidance to avoid being victimized. Other times, children who are experiencing peer troubles avoid school to avoid possible fighting, name calling or other social injuries.
• Fear of separation: It is common for younger children to fear separating from parents or caregivers. Normal fear of separation includes a period of adjustment in which the child may be tearful or may request to stay home with caregivers. During this period of adjustment, the child may cry during drop off, but is able to eventually regulate his or her emotions and may even enjoy the school day despite separation from caregivers. Children who have trouble separating from caregivers may plead and beg to stay home. Once at school, they may not be able to regulate their emotions enough to pay attention in class, may cry for an extended period and/or may request to come home midday.
• Children with learning challenges: These children experience difficulties in the learning process (whether due to poor child-classroom fit, or issues such as a learning difference or ADHD, for example) and begin to dislike learning, develop feelings of low self-efficacy or low self-esteem and experience stress when having to perform academically. Thus, for these children, school avoidance becomes a way to avoid the stress associated with the process of learning and/or having to perform academically.
• Children who experience mental health issues:
  • Children with generalized anxiety disorder experience excessive and uncontrollable worry about many aspects of their lives, such as themselves, their family, their friendships, their academic performance and the future. For children living with anxiety, avoiding school means avoiding an environment where many of their fears and worries are triggered, thus alleviating their anxiety.
  • Children with social anxiety disorder intensely worry about how they are perceived by others and frequently fear being negatively judged. Therefore, avoiding school helps them avoid social situations, such as speaking up in class, completing group work or engaging with peers or teachers, which in turn alleviates anxiety.
  • Children with depression experience sadness and irritability, low motivation and interest, difficulty concentrating, fatigue and withdrawal. As a result, these children may struggle to pay attention and engage during lessons, feel motivated to complete schoolwork, have low interest in school activities or have low energy to get through the school day, all of which can contribute to school avoidance.

Recognizing the signs of school avoidance

Children's signs of school avoidance may be behavioral, emotional or academic in nature.

Example behaviors may include frequent complaints of illness. For example, children may complain about feeling dizzy, having headaches, sweating, feeling shaky, a racing heart, having chest pains or feeling fatigued and tired. They may also have gastrointestinal complaints, such as nausea, vomiting, diarrhea or abdominal pain, and muscular complaints, such as joint or back pain.

Other behaviors may include non-compliance and defiance. For example, children may be reluctant to leave home or may run away from home or school. They may refuse to move (e.g., refuse to get out of the car or refuse to enter the school building), hide (e.g., hide around the house to delay going to school), be aggressive (e.g., kick when it's time to leave), or lie (e.g., about getting ready or arriving at school). Children may also seek reassurance or cling to a caregiver.

Emotions that children may exhibit for school avoidance may vary, with children demonstrating different types of emotional distress regarding school. For example, children may experience anxiety, fear, panic or worry, as well as sadness, tearfulness or crying. Children may also experience anger or frustration and have temper tantrums.

A child's academic performance may also be negatively impacted due to gaps in their learning and understanding from missing important lessons because of tardiness or absences. Even when present at school, a child may still have gaps in their learning due to difficulty focusing, engaging and participating in class because of school-related distress. Children's school avoidance may extend to avoiding school-related activities, such as failing to complete school assignments on time and procrastinating on studying for exams or working on projects.

Impact of school avoidance on children's development

School avoidance is correlated with several negative physical and mental health outcomes. Children who are chronically absent, missing 15 or more days from school, are more likely to drop out of school earlier and achieve lower levels of academic achievement and vocational training and success in adulthood.

Children who engage in higher levels of school avoidance are also more likely to be socially isolated and may experience greater challenges with forming and maintaining friendships. Youth may also experience higher rates of stigmatization from their teachers, peers and family members which can lead to poor mental health and self-esteem. Furthermore, a lack of social interaction limits appropriate social skills development opportunities.

School avoidance can have long-term effects on both mental health and self-esteem. Children who engage in higher levels of school avoidance are more likely to be diagnosed with mental health disorders such as depression, anxiety and behavioral issues. Furthermore, school avoidance can also negatively impact self-esteem. Youth who avoid school often feel inadequate or incapable and may perceive themselves as falling behind when comparing themselves to their peers.

Strategies for supporting children with school avoidance

Addressing school avoidance is important for your child's short- and long-term outcomes. Acting upon the first signs of school avoidance can help to ensure that avoidance behaviors do not become entrenched and harder to change in the future.

Establishing and maintaining school attendance routines can support your child's adjustment to school and can create daily expectations. Effective routines include consistent wake and sleep times, homework schedules and clear expectations for completion and effort (vs. outcomes, which are not always in one's control). Making sure your child has adequate sleep is pivotal for their ability to pay attention and regulate their emotions each day.

Establishing a positive attitude toward school can help children's experiences with attendance as well. This includes fostering curiosity for learning, describing learning and school as valuable and important and supporting children's ownership of effort in academic pursuits. Of note, academic pressure can be a source of stress for young people. Children benefit from focusing on the variables they can control, such as completing homework, trying their best during exams and seeking additional help as needed. A significant focus on outcomes, such as grades, can increase academic pressure and are not always under one's control. It is also important to recognize that for children, school is their work, and they often put in long days of learning and paying attention. Praising their efforts, recognizing that school can be tiring, and intentionally rewarding hard work can be part of supporting your child's relationship with school.

It is also vital to establish and maintain open communication with your child about their experiences at school. Starting early in your child's academic career, ask your child about what happened during the school day. For younger children, targeted questions such as "who did you play with at recess?" and "what was your favorite activity today?" can help set up a routine of sharing information. For older children, questions focused on their own interests can help, such as "tell me more about that book you were reading yesterday for English class?" or "Are you finally discussing planets in science?"

If your child voices difficulties at school, such as with a peer or with learning, reach out to the school to initiate a conversation right away. Having an established collaborative partnership with your child's teachers and administrators can be extremely helpful when problems arise. School can help address the cause of avoidance and provide additional supports to ensure your child can access education. A child who is having learning challenges may undergo testing for special education needs. A child who is experiencing challenges with a peer may be able to receive targeted support on self-advocacy and problem solving.

It is important to celebrate small and big achievements along the way. Praising your child liberally for specific choices or behaviors, such as working on homework, studying, attending school and achieving good grades helps your child feel noticed for their hard work and effort. Rewards may also play a role, especially if your child has already demonstrated some school avoidance behaviors. Rewarding school attendance may look like planning a fun activity immediately after school, allowing your child to have access to a preferred toy for a period of time after school and/or special time with a caregiver. The opposite is also important, if your child misses school but is not ill or otherwise unable to attend, a consequence may look like completing academic work while at home, such as worksheets, homework or self-directed learning. Access to rewards such as cellphones, TV, video games or other entertainment should be limited during the normal school hours while your child is at home.

Sometimes, school avoidance becomes more chronic requiring more targeted efforts, such as the support of a behavioral health professional. Seeking help from a psychologist or therapist can support you and your child in developing behavioral plans focused on increasing school attendance.

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