Messengers earn volunteer family of year

Back to U.S. Army Southern European Task Force, Africa

WASHINGTON - Cooking 20 pounds of bacon, 15 dozen eggs, 680 cookies, coordinating childcare and giving military families a chance to experience Army military basic training and what their Soldier does on the job is just a typical day every 10 weeks for one Army family.

Lt. Col. Tony Messenger, 3rd Squadron commander, 2nd Security Force Assistance Brigade, Fort Liberty, North Carolina, his wife, Amy, and sons, Connor, Liam, Colin and Keegan, earned the Association of the United States Army's (AUSA) Volunteer Family of the Year for their efforts when they were stationed at Fort Jackson, South Carolina.

The colonel was deployed to Africa, riding in the back of a truck in Senegal when his wife called him to tell him the news.

She told him they received a call from a retired general. He asked her if it was a prank and to send him the e-mail.

"I was surprised and humbled at the same time," Tony said. "We didn't expect it. We go from post to post, see where we can give back as a family and community and be value-added to the folks around us, both in the community and in our Army family."

"I made the general repeat himself three times. I felt bad. We were shocked," Amy said.

Before his current assignment, Tony commanded 1st Battalion, 13th Infantry Regiment, at Fort Jackson. During his tenure, the Messengers revived the battalion's Soldier Family Readiness Group and began the 72-hour room initiative, which gives drill sergeants a chance to spend time with their families during one of the most critical and time-consuming periods of the training cycle, Tony said.

"The first 72 hours of every cycle is all hands-on deck," Amy said. "You're setting the tone with the civilians who are getting off the buses to become Soldiers. It's stressful and tough for the families of the drill sergeants."

They joked that they've burned through an oven and a microwave in their home kitchen prepping for the 72-hour room initiative. Each cycle takes seven hours of prep time to cook and prepare everything. The Messengers spend their time and money on the event every cycle.

They also held a family day to give the drill sergeants' families a chance to repel down the tower or go through the confidence course, learning what the drill sergeants did each day.

"I couldn't climb the tall repel tower, but Connor did," Colin said. "I got to crawl in the mud and jump walls on the confidence course. I got to shoot a gun. It was really fun."

"It really helped the families connect, and it's fun to watch," Amy said.

Prep for the initiative is a family effort.

"The kids help us cook the breakfast and lunches and help make sure the kids are entertained," she said.

The family also established a readiness and resiliency room and a meditation space, equipped with zero gravity chairs, massage chairs and white noise machines, that's used by about 150 drill sergeants every day. They also established a lactation room for new and expecting mothers in the unit.

The readiness and resiliency room is used by more than 150 Soldiers, 75 family members and 36 children on a nine-week cycle. From 2021 to 2024, about 865 Soldiers, 430 family members and 180 children benefited, which resulted in more quality time for the military families.

Call to Service

The family's call to service started at an early age for Tony and Amy.

Tony's mom served as nurse in the Red Cross in Virginia during the HIV epidemic in the 1980's leading HIV education in Prince Willam County. Amy said her family went on mission trips every summer.

"We both grew up with volunteerism deep in our upbringing and just giving back to the community we live in," Amy said. "We instill that in our children. The boys volunteered at Fort Jackson and sought out volunteer opportunities."

While Connor was attending a public high school at Fort Jackson, he noticed the teachers at the school didn't understand the Army mission there and what the military students' lives were like.

The family worked with the military and school administrations to bring 130 teachers and staff members onto Fort Jackson to take them through the engagement skills trainer (a laser-based, indoor, multipurpose arms trainer), visit the museum and tour the post.

Connor and Liam helped establish a partnership with Richland Northeast High School in Columbia, South Carolina, that improved ties between Junior ROTC and Fort Jackson, and the family coordinated the first all-staff visit from the high school to the installation.

The Messengers initiated a JROTC family day, providing 40 families with the opportunity to meet and talk to more than 35 drill sergeants about serving in the Army, and coordinated a mentorship program between 30 drill sergeants and more than 50 at-risk teens from the high school.

"The moms who were worried about their kids joining the Army talked to spouses and family members about their Army experience," Amy said. "The kids went down the tower with their friends. It was a great day."

She said the boys continued to find volunteer opportunities at each of the Army posts they were assigned, helping bridge the gap between the community and the Army.

"I'm super proud of my kids for reaching out and seeing the needs of their community," she said. "We've volunteered everywhere we've been, but to see the boys initiate and engage, as a parent, I get a proud heart."

"To say I'm proud of my kids is an understatement," Tony said.

"I love volunteering because it makes me feel good, and we spend time together as a family," Liam said. "We also get to help others who've helped us in the past and will probably help us in the future. I love it."

Liam said one of his favorite experiences was being the Easter bunny during a party for military families.

"It was really exciting to see the happy little kids," Liam said. "I've never seen people with more joy in their eyes. I gave out so many hugs."

Colin said his favorite part is being the cookie tester.

"She makes like 680 cookies; that's 10 batches of cookie dough I get to taste," he said, laughing. "I get to give food to people, and I get to eat the food."

Colin also organizes the games for the children at the holiday events and volunteers at animal shelters.

Military Heritage

The call to service also has military roots for Tony and Amy.

Tony's paternal grandfather served in the Navy in World War II. His grandfather was injured and met Tony's grandmother in a hospital in Washington, D.C., where she was serving in the Coast Guard. His maternal grandfather served in the Army Air Corps. His maternal grandmother served in the Women's Army Air Corps, where she trained to fly B-29s. His dad served in the Air Force, and Tony joined the Army in 1998 as a Soldier in military intelligence.

"I initially joined to pay for college and because of my family's history of service, but once I got in, I loved it," Tony said. "I love the Army; it becomes your family. I have a lot of friends I keep up with through the years. It's just a bond that doesn't break. I love it."

Amy's grandfather served in the Army in World War II, and her uncle served in the Army in Vietnam.

Tony and Amy met while they were both attending West Virginia University. He had earned a Green to Gold scholarship.

"We met at a sports bar watching Monday Night Football," Amy said. "We had mutual friends who knew we both liked the same stuff."

He commissioned in 2005.

Military Life

Tony has had around seven deployments, with tours to Iraq, Syria and Jordan. He started out as an infantry officer once he commissioned, changed over to Special Forces after commanding an Infantry company.

He has shrapnel in his arm, leg and along his spine from an improvised explosive device during an Iraq deployment in 2007.

Because of the many moves and deployments, Amy said having her military family is vital.

"I fully support him in his career. I've made bonds with people who became my family," Amy said. "Our kids love it because they can go anywhere around the world. They have military friends who live everywhere."

She said having that community and spouse support during deployments, especially when she had to deal with moving household goods and four boys, has been priceless.

"We've moved 11 times," she said. "You have to have your 3 a.m. friend."

Keegan, their youngest son, is a special needs child with a rare genetic disorder. Amy said being in and out of the pediatric intensive care unit with Keegan while Tony was deployed, her support network helped her with her other sons.

"There's literally been times other spouses have come and gotten my kids off an exit ramp, so I could follow in an ambulance to the hospital," Amy said.

She said at one point, Colin had to get his tonsils out, Conner's appendix ruptured, and then Keegan was born, all within one week.

"We had three kids have surgery within seven days of each other," she said. "Keegan was flown to a hospital for special care, and then at 10 months, he went back into the hospital for more than three months and 13 surgeries. Anthony was deployed at the time; he came home because Keegan's blood sugar was really low, and we almost lost him. He coded twice."

She said the outpouring of love and support they received from the Soldier families was so much, they didn't have enough room for all the food.

"The outpouring of love, people taking our kids out, making sure our boys had birthday parties while we were in the hospital with Keegan, our Army family really came together," Amy said. "They threw Colin the biggest third birthday to make sure he knew he was loved."

Keegan has had 59 surgeries in 12 years. The Messengers said they couldn't take care of their family without the love and support from their military and civilian communities and the support from Tony's command.

"We are driven to pay it forward, all of that love and support," Amy said.

At every post, the Messengers participate in the Exceptional Families Military Program, bringing families together to make sure everyone gets what they need, connecting with other military families and having play dates so no one feels alone, Amy said.

Connor said the constant moves and military life is helping him with college.

"It's helped with resiliency and adapting to an environment," Connor said. Connor earned an associate's degree in the culinary arts but loves military history.

Tony said taking care of military families enables readiness in Soldiers.

"It enables our ability to do the things we're called to do as Soldiers if our family unit is being taken care of," he said. "It's about the team beyond the guidon. Taking care of them enables the Soldiers to focus on the mission and give one hundred percent without worrying about their family in the rear."

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