DLA employee shares coming out story during Pride Month

FORT BELVOIR, Va. -

Editor's Note: Every June, the nation celebrates Pride Month to honor the 1969 Stonewall Riots and to highlight the continued work in the fight for equality and justice for the LGBTQ+ community. This Pride Month, the Defense Logistics Agency shares the story of Brian Allen, a human resources specialist in New Cumberland, Pennsylvania.

FORT BELVOIR, Va. - For many, coming out is voluntary. Brian Allen was 18 years old and a senior in high school when a breach of privacy changed his life.

"I really did not come out in the normal sense. My mom's husband at the time came across some emails where I was kind of talking to a female friend about the situation [being gay]," he said. "So, for me, I was kind of forced to come out, which is something I don't recommend."

His relationship with his mother immediately became rocky.

"She didn't want anything to happen to me or for me to be treated differently for being different," he said, adding that his mom wanted him to have a good life without obstacles. She urged him to find a new girlfriend.

In college, Allen joined the Army and prepared to deploy to Iraq in 2007 with the Pennsylvania Army National Guard. Seeing news reports of roadside bombs blowing up in Iraq coupled with the fact that her son was about to deploy and could potentially die helped Allen's mom come to grips with her son's new normal.

"Once she realized the fact that I could possibly die, who I loved at that point was not a big deal," Allen said.

When Allen returned from Iraq, his mom allowed him to bring the person he was dating at the time to her home. His relationship with her gradually improved.

Allen experienced the negative stigma associated with being gay at home, as a soldier and as a federal employee during the early 2000s because of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Enacted by the administration of former President Bill Clinton, the policy allowed gay, lesbian and bisexual Americans to serve their country - if they kept their sexual identity under wraps.

"I would go to work and not be able to speak openly about someone I was dating," Allen said.

After the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell by President Barack Obama in 2011, Allen said he still struggled to be his authentic self at work.

"I would take what [people] said and analyze it to make sure what I projected or said back would not reflect on me in a bad way or cause people to dislike me because I was gay," he said. "I had been doing it for so long, it took years of therapy for me to feel comfortable to break that cycle."

Allen recalled being mocked by a superior while serving in the Active Guard Reserve.

"One day, I was preparing to brief the personnel status report to the two-star [general] when this lieutenant colonel started saying what I would say in a made-up gay voice," he said.

After this experience, Allen decided to leave the military after 12 years. He decided to continue service in the federal government and accepted a job working for DLA Human Resources in his hometown of Bucks County, Pennsylvania.

"DLA has been good and does a great job of showing support for everyone," he said, emphasizing the friendly, welcoming atmosphere. "I have not experienced any negativity or any dislike from a single person in the building."

He credits the help of his friends and behavioral health therapy for getting him through the earlier lonely and dark times.

"My friends have been amazing, but I have also found myself meeting so many more friends after being open to becoming my authentic self," he said. "They tend to celebrate the things that I tend to try to hide from people about myself."

Allen also believes that representation in the workplace is important.

"If you don't see it, you don't talk about it, then it doesn't exist" he said, adding that having diversity in the workplace is more interesting.

"As long as we keep having these [observances], we don't forget the lack of support or diversity that we experienced in the past, so that we can continue to be open and celebrate everyone moving forward," he continued.

For employees who are on the fence about coming out to their family or in the workplace, Allen recommends taking it slow.

"Do it on your own time and own terms. Start by telling your family or just one person," he said. "Pay attention to the people around you and their response and know that you don't have to throw yourself a party."

Coming out can be a big event or as small and subtle as wearing a bracelet or lapel pin, Allen added. He displays a gay flag on his desk and wears a rainbow bracelet to show others in the LGBTQ+ community that they're not alone and it's okay to be themselves.

"And it's okay to come to me if they need to talk," he said.

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