“This is the gamechanger”: Men talk communication, children at mental health meet-up

With steam rising from the pavement following a recent downpour, the air along Cherry Street was heavy and uncomfortable as 13 men walked up to Churchill's first floor event space for an evening of conversation, honesty, and support. As uncomfortable as it was outside, the men opened the door to a space where they could have conversations that were heavier and more uncomfortable than the air…conversations they felt they couldn't have elsewhere.

"Communication is at the center of any relationship."

"Effective communication makes the relationship better."

And just like any relationship, things started slowly, with Jeremy Grissom - Macon Violence Prevention (MVP) Coordinator - asking some guided, easy questions to break the ice. Some of the men had been to previous sessions, and they helped others feel comfortable by their willingness to open. More and more, everyone grew more comfortable as they communicated more, and they began opening up more, even joking with each other about what they were struggling with.

"How you communicate and how people understand is very important."

"This is the gamechanger, guys. We have to be able to identify those levels of communication."

And understanding comes from being open with each other about what they were facing, something that was happening on this Tuesday evening. It was the eighth in a series of monthly Men's Mental Health Meet-Ups hosted by MVP and Macon Mental Health Matters, and even this far into the series, there were at least three brand new faces in the crowd. One man had just moved to Macon and was looking for a group where he could talk about the changes.

The monthly meet-ups - now on hold while organizers evaluate the first sessions and figure out how to improve and expand them - give men a chance to take a break, reflect on their lives, seek advice, and realize that they are not alone in what they face. They provide a purposeful place where men can get together without any boundaries and with guards let down, all to support each other.

Common themes ran throughout the evening, from relationships with wives or girlfriends, how you show people you care for them, the constant stress of trying to keep up with responsibilities, the fear they weren't strong by talking, and more.

"You get worn down. Everybody gets tired."

"We have pride. We're men."

"This is your hour," Grissom told them several times throughout. "We get to talk here about whatever's on your mind: what makes you happy, what worries you, what you're struggling with, how you think others can face their struggles…this is about you."

One of the men wholeheartedly agreed, pointing back on at times in his own life where he didn't open up about what was happening, and how that led to him making bad decisions and hurting people around him.

"You know your true self. You have to have a level of trust and respect with yourself," he told them, stressing they each must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others and get real help and support. "Society will wait until you hit rock bottom, but communication can stop that from happening."

While it came up at moments throughout the discussion, the heaviest conversation came near the end with a simple question, one that held the weight of the experiences that led the men to this room and looked ahead years into the future.

"For the dads here, what was it like when you had kids?"

Silence for three breaths. Then laughter from the dads around the table.

"The best day."

"The scariest day."

"It made me love my wife even more."

"The day before is NOT the day after."

And getting at the heart of everything the men had been struggling with that night, the idea of identity, the idea of responsibility, the idea of growth…

"No matter who you think you are, you start all over on that first day."

There was a nervousness in the questions about how the dads felt, and when the dads in the room answered, it was honestly, expressing that even though they had children, they still struggled to do the right thing…they still struggled with all the same feelings. Even the men that didn't ask the question leaned in for this discussion because it all came back to communication and how much more important it was to be honest and open with your children.

"Children are learning how to communicate from their parents."

"You teach them thru communications what is and isn't acceptable."

"We are creating a safe space for men to talk about their challenges and mental health, and the response has overwhelmingly been thankful, supportive, and caring," says Grissom. "Men often do not focus on their own feelings or mental health due to societal expectations on what it means to be a man, but we want them to know that it's okay to not be okay."

He stressed to them…and many agreed…pick up the phone and call or text someone. Don't push the feelings down. Don't turn to social media. Don't hide from the people who care about you. Be honest with yourself and others.

"We want them to know people care."

The air was uncomfortable walking up to Churchills, leading into uncomfortable but necessary conversations. But as uncomfortable as it all was, they all looked refreshed and relieved to have been there. And when they walked out, the rain had cleared and cleaned the air, giving it a refreshed and revived feel.

You can find more information on the MMHM websiteand by following MMHM on Facebook.

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